In this light-hearted and inspiring POV, Neurotic Nayika shares her journey and practical insights on navigating the unique challenges of being a single working mother in India. Her experience sheds light on the realities of managing work, family, and self-care while highlighting some crucial strategies to thrive. Here are her top five tips for every single working mother in India.
Weekend musings by Neurotic Nayika
I am starting on a bleak note. It is tough. There are days I want to turn to ‘Bridget Jones’ or ‘Emily in Paris.’ I want to be a single woman with a bunch of single women friends and gay men friends (note not lesbian friends) who are having fun or bonding over coffee or wine. But flip to Mumbai and my life; I really need to plan outings. Most of my friends are happily married, so my life is somewhat alien to them. I never get to meet them over coffee. Because my work never gets over.
5 ways to ace being a single working mother in India
In the five years since I began this journey, I have uncovered a few essentials that help me keep things running, if not smoothly, then steadily. Here is my take on how to ace being a single working mother in India.
1. Accept that there is burnout
Research suggests that personal factors, including gender, marital status, and parenthood, play a complex role in burnout. Findings are inconsistent, but studies indicate that gender affects burnout risk.
- Marital status: Being single may increase burnout risk (depending on the study).
- Parenthood: Having children may increase burnout (some studies).
What you need to do is to slow down.
There are days when you cannot be the perfect mother, and you may end up buying an oily snack for your child’s school lunch box. It is okay to say that today, I choose to focus on my work and not bother about nutrition. Or today, I decide to slow down and probably just sleep.
Recognise the fact that burnout and feeling overwhelmed are evident. However, no one tells you that you have to go on. So, always be on the lookout for tell-tell signs of burnout. Whenever it is out of control, box its ears and bring it back on track.
2. Accept that no one will come to rescue you
Life is not like movies. You won’t get an outsider who will waltz into your life and take over the management of your dysfunctional construct. There will be days when there will be deadlines and extra work.
- Create a strong network of friends and family who can manage your home in your absence.
- Put security cameras in so that you won’t have to worry about the physical safety of your child.
- Speak to your child about all forms of abuse so that they are better prepared to protect themselves.
- Make a list of emergency numbers, starting from the doctor to the grocer who delivers a packet of chips and keep it accessible.
Your child and support system has all the enablers handy to face any emergency- small to big.
3. Dear single working mother in India, manage your money
Invest in SIPs, buy Gold, or make FDs, but make a contingency plan for 6 months. If you need to take things slow, change your career, or simply upskill, this will help you. I learnt it the hard way. While I was married, I never thought about money. I have earned more than my husband, but I felt money was his domain.
Studies show that women earning handsomely do not make investment decisions even today. So, women end up being in denial about money or simply poor. You can’t risk it. If you are above forty, you probably dont have total agency over your investment. The good news is that younger affluent women are getting more financially savvy.
According to recent McKinsey research on affluent consumers, 30% more married women are making financial and investment decisions than five years ago. Studies also show that women are less risk-averse when it comes to investment. Change that, get a consultant, be audacious, and make more money—unabashedly.
4. If you are a single working mother in India, learn to handle the male gaze
Yes—literally and figuratively. You are a phenomenon—a mature, independent woman with her own agency and vulnerability. So you are serious competition at work since you can’t take your husband’s earnings for granted. Therefore, it is your ability that will keep you going.
Do not play a victim card or a gender card. Learn to compete based on skill and ability. Also, because you are single, you are susceptible to a certain uncomfortable male gaze. Studies prove that single-working women are at higher risk of workplace harassment.
Understand harassment. Harassment can be in the form of words, touch and messages. A study done among retail shop women workers in Vellore City observed that 50% of them have experienced harassment. In this study, the common act of WSH experienced by women was of men calling them with words of endearment. Go by your instinct, talk to a colleague or a mentor, and report inappropriate behaviour.
5. Learn to take control
Whether you are filing your returns, changing the tyre of your car, or going to the gym, ensure that you are a jack of all trades. Migration from the family construct to singlehood changes your role. You are suddenly morphed into a superhuman who plays all acceptable gender roles solo. Some examples are being a parent, a caregiver, a teacher, a friend to the child and a provider, and you have to embrace that.
You cannot fall ill or disappear for a vacation because you are the example that defines your life. You become your own example. Focus on the positives—you have escaped the daily struggles that have made you single. You have chosen to be here.
Look at the sunshine, take a breath that fills you up with happiness and walk on. You will ace singledom like a pro.
How to ace being a single working mother in India: Summing up
Changeincontent.com champions stories like Neurotic Nayika’s, where resilience, empowerment, and the reality of single motherhood intersect. As an advocate for inclusivity and equality, we celebrate every woman’s journey, especially those who redefine family and strength in the face of adversity. Keep looking ahead because you are acing single motherhood in ways that matter most.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are based on the writer’s insights, supported by data and resources available both online and offline, as applicable. Changeincontent.com is committed to promoting inclusivity across all forms of content, which we define broadly to include media, policies, law, and history—encompassing all elements that influence the lives of women and gender-queer individuals. Our goal is to promote understanding and advocate for comprehensive inclusivity.
