Internalised misogyny is the subconscious hatred or negativity towards feminine concepts and other women by women. It is a concept that is all pervasive and can go unnoticed in a societal context. The University of Missouri-Kansas City describes internalised misogyny as the subconscious projection of sexist ideas onto oneself and other women.
How does internalised misogyny affect us?
Internalised misogyny impacts female self-expression in several ways. These are:
- It creates internalised female beauty standards that result in self-objectification
- Passive acceptance of gender roles
- Unhealthy competition and comparison among women result in the degradation of self and other women.
- Self-doubt and self-censorship result in distrust of oneself and other women.
- Perfectionism or fear of failure results in valuing men over women.
The role of patriarchy and internalised misogyny
The influence of patriarchal structures is an important factor in perpetuating internalised misogyny. Patriarchal societies are where men hold systemic power over other genders. As a result, women feel devalued and subjected to conditioning and beliefs that perpetuate perceived inferiority. Such internalisation impacts women’s self-perception and contributes to the manifestation of hatred or negativity towards other women or oneself. Popular content must address the root causes of internalised misogyny and work towards challenging and dismantling these stereotypes.
The good girl and the not-so-good girl
Internalised misogyny is hatred of women by a woman. It is not always direct or palpable. Internalised misogyny is deeply ingrained. There is a stereotype like ‘good girl’. In an Indian context, good girls are virginal, demure, wear layers of clothing, and good girls are seen but not heard.
When a woman diverges from these stereotypes, she is often perceived as different. A different girl is often celebrated and glorified because she is so different. The good girl is not taken as a passive creature and devoid of agency. It is a form of internalised misogyny which typecasts women.
Internalised misogyny also contributes to phenomena like slut-shaming, fat-shaming, and homophobia, stemming from a failure to acknowledge that femininity encompasses a spectrum of personal choices, interests, and preferences. The notion that girls can only fit into one specific type is a misconception. By fostering awareness and encouraging critical reflection, mass content platforms should create more inclusive and supportive environments for all kinds of women.
The other girl?
In popular media and films, phrases like “I’m not like other girls” or “I’m not like most girls” have become commonplace. Whether uttered in the pages of a novel or the scenes of a popular movie, these words carry weight. But who exactly is this elusive “other girl,” and why do so many young women feel compelled to distance themselves from her?
The “other girl” is a symbol of femininity, reflecting societal perceptions of womanhood. She is the epitome of pink-loving, makeup-wearing domesticity, whose interests seemingly revolve around fashion glossies and shallow celebrity culture. This vapid portrayal perpetuates harmful stereotypes, painting women as shallow and intellectually inferior.
It doesn’t take much to see that this portrayal of the “other girl” is deeply problematic. It instils fear and insecurity in some girls, discouraging them from embracing activities and interests deemed traditionally feminine. Worse still, it denigrates femininity to such an extent that any deviation from the stereotype creates statements “not like other girls.” Such simplifications push women towards traditionally masculine behaviours to gain validation.
The “Pick-me-girl”
The “pick-me-girl” syndrome describes a pattern of behaviour in which a woman seeks validation and approval from men by demonstrating qualities that conform to traditional gender norms or stereotypes. The term “pick-me” derives from the idea of a woman actively “picking” herself as the preferred choice among others by conforming to societal expectations of femininity.
Individuals who exhibit the pick-me-girl syndrome often engage in behaviours such as downplaying the achievements or interests of other women. They also emphasise their domestic skills or willingness to cater to men’s needs and seek to differentiate themselves from perceived negative stereotypes of women.
Addressing the pick-me-girl syndrome involves challenging societal expectations of gender roles, promoting self-empowerment and confidence among women, and fostering inclusive and supportive environments where individuals are valued for their authentic selves rather than their adherence to stereotypes.
Here are some common manifestations of internalised misogyny:
- Dismissing feminists and feeling embarrassed to identify as a woman because of them.
- Preferring male company because of the belief that girls are shallow and uninteresting.
- Believing that hanging out with guys leads to less gossip and back-biting.
- Associating certain activities, like watching sports or building muscles, with masculinity.
- Refusing to wear makeup due to associations of being frivolous or fake.
- Derogatory remarks about other women, such as labelling them as bitchy, gossipy, or whiny.
- Policing other women’s choices and implying that they are slutty.
The final thoughts
Recognising that women should be allies rather than competitors is crucial in unlearning internalised misogyny. Women are often pitted against each other from a young age, perpetuating harmful comparisons and competition. The “not like other girls” phenomenon and the “pick-me girl” mentality are manifestations of internalised misogyny that stem from societal expectations and gender stereotypes. These attitudes can have deep-seated roots in patriarchal structures and cultural norms, influencing how women perceive themselves and interact with others.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are based on the writer’s insights, supported by data and resources available both online and offline, as applicable. Changeincontent.com is committed to promoting inclusivity across all forms of content, which we define broadly to include media, policies, law, and history—encompassing all elements that influence the lives of women and gender-queer individuals. Our goal is to promote understanding and advocate for comprehensive inclusivity.
