Conversations around age can be pretty amusing, or perhaps the right word is hypocritical. It could even be ironic. On one hand, we are told to live our age, to live by the motto “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” Yet, as a woman approaches her thirties, this motto seems to vanish into thin air. Society begins obsessively counting down to her marriage as if that’s the only milestone that truly matters in a woman’s life. But what is the problem with single women in their 30s? The answer is NOTHING.
I saw a post on Linkedin by Shantanu Deshpande, the CEO of Bombay Shaving Company. He says that women above 30 are, all in all, really cool people. He also writes that there are no good men available for them, and since dating is exhausting, they resign from it to make it fulfilling. I find it humiliating towards a generation of women who are earning and probably having the time of their lives. Why would this particular segment be highlighted? What kind of psycho-economic profiling can be done to reach this segment of consumers? Lonely, neurotic, in want of love, urban, higher economic strata– I wonder. Something was demeaning in that post; I do not know what. It implied that these women were social pariahs.
Patriarchy has neatly outlined the “right” age for women to start a career, get married, have their first, second, and third children, and even when to stop wearing makeup or going out to parties. It’s depressing how there’s a schedule for everything, as if every woman’s life can fit into the exact perfect timeline (cue the patriarchal timeline). What does this mean? Do women have special expiration dates that men somehow don’t seem to have?
How society sells fear to single women in their 30s
The one thing nearly every woman has probably heard is that men don’t want relationships with women over 30. Reflecting on it now, I realise I once believed this, too, and it makes me cringe. This whole concept of “Women in their 30s are undateable” is a form of fear-mongering. It reminds me of how beauty and skincare companies have been playing this game of fear-mongering as a marketing tactic. It’s the same ploy, just with a different target. After all, it is a universal truth that fear sells.
If you say a particular product is clean, that implies others are unclean. It creates a self-perpetuating cycle where you feel pressured to buy only from a ‘clean’ brand to be safe. If you step back and think about it, the same logic applies to pressuring a woman who is 30+ and unmarried. “You will be in your mid-30s soon, and you are single. Horrible!” Society constantly compares you to your peers who married young, creating unnecessary anxiety.
Slapping labels on unmarried or single women in their 30s (and above)
The term “Sheng nu” or “leftover ladies” is a derogatory label in Chinese culture for unmarried women in their late twenties and beyond. Interestingly, single men of a similar age may be praised as ‘golden bachelors’ or ‘diamond single men.’ It’s pretty ironic, really, considering China’s gender ratio imbalance with more men than women.
So, if a woman hits her thirties without a husband, it’s definitely not because she couldn’t find a man. It’s a choice she’s made. On the other hand, if a man reaches his thirties in China, he’s just another face of the demographic reality where men outnumber women. But no, marriage in China is highly patriarchal, and their culture isn’t quite ready to face this disparity yet. They’re still fixated on the idea that women should marry “up.”
The Christmas cake analogy in Japan is another example of the outdated, anti-feminist, and sexist labels for unmarried women. In the 1990s and maybe even into the 2000s, people used to demean unmarried women over the age of 25.
The absurd logic behind the label was that just like nobody wants a Christmas cake after December 25th, nobody wants a woman over 25. They’re both considered unwanted and left on the shelf. However, with Japan witnessing declining rates of marriage and childbirth, this label has lost its relevance. To be honest, it never should have been relevant in the first place.
Rethinking the rule of ‘Needing a Man’ before 30
The idea of “needing a man” before hitting 30 is seriously outdated, like something straight out of the old-fashioned patriarchy and its clingy gender roles. As for why some men label women over 30 as picky, cranky, or undateable? Well, it’s pretty simple. These women are unwilling to settle for just any partner solely to fulfil societal expectations or seek validation. They refuse to engage in relationships merely for the sake of fitting in the patriarchy.
Sure, there are men out there who respect, appreciate, and support independent women. But then there’s the other bunch who like to use terms like “independent” as if they’re insults. There are countless reasons why someone might be single at 30, 35, or even 40. But why does it become an issue when it’s a woman?
Single women in their 30s: Redefining success and happiness
Is a single woman in her thirties looked down on as someone carrying too much baggage or as someone to pity? Frankly, it doesn’t matter. Single women in their 30s are perfectly fine just the way they are. Women have the right to own their time and make their own choices without any deadlines set by someone else. Sure, in some corners of the world, women have more say than they did 50 years ago. But the solution is not the crumbs of progress we’ve been thrown; there’s still a long way to go.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are based on the writer’s insights, supported by data and resources available both online and offline, as applicable. Changeincontent.com is committed to promoting inclusivity across all forms of content, which we define broadly to include media, policies, law, and history—encompassing all elements that influence the lives of women and gender-queer individuals. Our goal is to promote understanding and advocate for comprehensive inclusivity.
